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december 28, 2002 - 1:52 p.m.

i am farting around in my pajamas today. i think i am going to take a shower and put on new pajamas and take a nap. i have been google searching wellbutrin for my mom, but as with most things there is just too much information online and i have no idea what to believe. i feel like many of the anonymous testimonials are written by somebody who works for the pharmaceutical companies, to sell the shit. i am so suspicious. when i heard soy was bad i did a search and felt like half the bad stuff was written by the milkman and the meatman. have any of you taken or known anyone who has taken wellbutrin? did you have panic attacks and go bald- or did you frolic in a sun shiney field with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face? or were you a straight up zombie? i am scared silly of the medicines (as i have said before). i know they help some people though. ugh. but anyway.

toby was visiting on thursday. tina gave us a ride to the train station and we took the 9:30 train into the city. he has one of those head phone jack adapters so you can plug in two sets of headphones.

we listened to love's 1st album. then we took a taxi from grand central to sidewalk.

we had dinner courtesy of ami, the amazing manager of sidewalk and designer of antifolk vol. 1 cover art.

first i played by myself. then i did a bunch of songs with anders.

then toby and i played the song we wrote together called "all holes filled", and then i asked peter dizzoza to play piano while i sang the burt bacharach reflections song. it's the song i sang in peter's musical "the eleventh hour". then the bundles played.

jeff got a haircut! it looks so good! after the bundles jeff and jack and anders did the "no lsd" song. then i asked simple (who was working sound) if i could invite other people up to do a song and he said yes so toby played antiprom. cockroach played protest finger...

...joie played divided by 2. adam played can you see me...

...our biggest fan, cork, publicly debuted his "it's real (osama must die)" song...

and simple played a pretty little song just for me...

eric lippe ([email protected]) took the pictures of the show.

the music went until around 2, and we were there until three. thanks to simple doing sound and clint waiting tables. some other staff may not have been psyched to stay late. there were a lot of people there considering i didn't really promote the show, and christmastime and all that. ami brought out cheesecake and chocolate cake with candles. 4 candles, one for each year off the sauce. supportive friends and music and fun are the best medicines, i tell you. i didn't eat the cake but they got passed around and shared. then ami brought out a big pitcher of chamomile tea and mugs and we had a chamomile campfire. amazing. we were there until after 3. the next day (yesterday) me and toby and cockroach and adam and angela had lunch at kiev. cold borscht and pierogies. booya.

we gave adam the unofficial prince william calendar. and he gave me the unpublished jd salinger stories. trading unauthorized gifts. what rebels.

toby rode the train back to bedford hills with me and we listened to john lennon and the plastic ono band shaved fish on the train. then i gave him a ride to brewster to meet his connecticut boyfriends.

barry bliss has a new cd called number three. i listened to that on the way home. barry is a good man.

oh, and maurice gave me a cd of pictures from the tour. the files are too big though so i have to ask lee to help me make them smaller. then i will finally tell you about the trip.

i am going to try to go to a crafts store today. i decided it would be fun to go into the hand painted tote bags business. let me know ([email protected]) if you are interested in a tote bag. they will be custom made. you can tell me what to paint on it. tote bags are in. i swear.

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